Muddy Princess Run

I did not immediately love the name of this race… I don’t usually go for anything with words like ‘princesses’ in it and I definitely do not do things that involve wearing a tutu.

So how did I end up doing this race? For six years in a row I’ve done the Rugged Maniac in NYC and last year I brought along my dearest friend and far off running partner Patti. I love a good obstacle race. So when she posted a link to this one on facebook and tagged basically every woman in my family and even my friend Mandy and NOT me… well… I had to start posting emo Drake gifs in the comments about how left out I felt. These races are MY thing??? Where is my tag bitch??

I guess I’ll go eat worms.

But of course it’s because I live in another state… And they DID invite me… eventually.

And since I was such a baby about not being invited I had to sign up, but there was no goddamn way I was gonna wear a tutu.

The run benefits research for cancers that primarily affect women so I was happy to support a good cause but I was wary about how much emphasis there was on their website about it being WOMEN ONLY without stating explicitly that trans women are included. On the one hand, trans women are women, but on the other hand, if you don’t SAY that, I worry that you might be a little TERF-y and I cannot have that.

So I sent an email asking them to clarify their position and I was very pleased with their response:

I replied suggesting they make it explicit.

ALL WOMEN BABY!

Muddy Princess here I come!

So, with that out of the way, I was back to being pumped. I still was 100% definitely not going to wear a tutu because who even am I if I do that??

Race Day

So my sister and sister in law got me a tutu and what am I not gonna wear it like some kinda jerk?

Before and After

We arrived at Bud’s Creek and paid $10 for parking, Checking in was fast, we signed waivers for the kids and while they were well organized they were still flexible about which wave we went in. Some of us had ended up registering in different waves but naturally we were all going together.

As our wave gathered in the starting corral we were led in some mild Zumba type warm ups by a woman whose stamina and poise I remain in awe of. She was high energy, joyful, and really nailing those moves, and even hours later as we were preparing to leave, there she was, same energy, not missing a beat, leading the later waves into the start of their race.

When it was time to run they wasted no time plunging us into the mud. Many runners with less experience sinking into mud up to their hips lost their shoes in the very first mud pit.

The trick is to not point your toe. If you feel like your shoe is about to be lost to the mud you must flex your ankle and slide your foot forward to break the suction and then try to lift your foot out of the mud.

I have done many Rugged Maniacs but I have NEVER been in this much mud at one of those. I was horrendously sunburned from the day before and the cool mud was so soothing. I felt like one of the ballerina hippos from Fantasia just wallowing in those mud pits.

There were no chips and no one really keeping much track of time and that was just fine. The obstacles that were not just a big ol soup of mud were mostly things to climb over or crawl under. It was really just pure fun. I didn’t even track it on my Garmin. It’s been forever since I just didn’t even track something like this. It was fun and freeing to just worry about having a good time doing something physical with my friends and family where the kids could be involved. It was not competitive, I had no goals other than to have a great time and make sure the kids also had a great time… except Lyla who was too young to participate but also who really hates to be dirty… She cried when I hugged her… and then cried even more when my sister and her sister hugged her again… Sorry Lyla…

The Swag

Everyone gets a medal at the Muddy Princess race but we also get a swag bag…

Inside the swag bag was standard race swag like, vitamin chew samples, a protien shake, a weird Monster Energy Water drink… and then there was the less standard contents… TWO GIANT BOTTLES OF VAGISIL SNATCH WASH!

Hilarious. At first I thought that was kind of a dirtbag thing to give everyone at this event just because we’re a bunch of women… but then I thought about all these ladies sitting around in their wet, muddy spandex after the race and I figure maybe we all really do need this today. Even women who do not have vaginas can benefit from some PH balanced junk wash. All in all, it was a pretty nice haul.

At breakfast Patti was cold and I offered her my hoodie. I handed it to her with the warning that my soaking wet underwear was in the pocket, so please don’t put your hand in there and then pull it out at the breakfast table wondering what it is. It’s my undies.

We had the very best waitress Bob Evans has ever hired in the history of their restaurants. She was a real star.

The Verdict

13/10 would wallow again.

Next year we’re making shirts, and yes… we will all be wearing tutus.